As we travel through our life’s journey, many relationships will come into our lives. Some of them will be wonderful and long lasting; others, unfortunately, may be short term or unhappy.

Do you tend to attract more negative relationships than positive? Though we strive to develop good, solid, and happy relationships, it seems we sometimes end up with exactly the opposite. Wouldn’t you love to attract more positive relationships? The good news is, you can!

Try some of these simple tips to enjoy more positive relationships in your life:

1. Patience. Wonderful relationships don’t occur overnight. They take time to nurture and develop into something that’s long lasting. To allow these relationships into your life, you must have the patience to let them grow.

• When you begin a relationship that you perceive as being a positive one, don’t rush it. You may be very pleased to see what develops down the road.

2. Believe that you’re deserving of it. Be positive and avoid negative feelings or perceptions about yourself. Know that you deserve to have happy, stable relationships in your life.

• If you begin to think negatively, you must turn these negative thoughts around immediately. Clear your mind and regain your self-confidence.

• Remember, positive attracts positive. When you think positive thoughts, you’ll be rewarded with positive results.

• You’ll ultimately attract positive relationships into your life with the positive energy you’re giving off to others. So be a good example of the friend or partner you look to attract!

3. Be true to yourself and others. If you’re not true to yourself, whether you believe it or not, others will sense this. Don’t try to be something that you’re not; this is a negative way of portraying yourself to others.

• As mentioned before, positive attracts positive, but negative attracts negative as well. Show others your true self, including your flaws. They’ll appreciate your open and willing heart and be able to form a strong bond with you more easily.

• Be genuine to others and allow them to see your true feelings and personality. Trying too hard to act like someone else could lead to embarrassment for you.

4. Don’t take relationships for granted. Remember to always give thanks for the valuable relationships in your life. They may not be as numerous as you’d like, but rather than complaining, be thankful for the ones you have now and have had in the past.

• By professing your gratitude genuinely, you’ll have an easier time attracting future positive relationships.

5. Be honest. If you’re in a negative relationship right now, that will tend to keep positive relationships from coming into your life. Be honest with yourself and others. Make a conscious decision to either improve that relationship or end it.

• Honesty will pave the way for more positive, trusting relationships to enter your life.

As the old saying goes, “Nothing worth having in life comes easily.” Attracting positive relationships – and weeding out the negative ones – may not be an easy task, but it’ll make for a better and more fulfilling life.

Tags: Relationships

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Learning to let go and forgive is a noble act. It can help you have peace with yourself and others. However great the benefits, though, it’s not always an easy thing to achieve.

Small transgressions are easy to forgive and forget. But then there are the big things for which you may feel the need to cling onto. You might tell yourself that you’ve let it go, but ultimately you haven’t. In these tough situations, there are techniques that you can use to finally let go and find peace.

Learning to Forgive

It’s important to learn to forgive. Holding onto grudges or resentments only hurts you. It can lead to bad moods, depression, or even health conditions. When you hold onto resentment, you allow a situation to burden your future.

Forgiveness is the right choice to make, but it doesn’t mean that you’ve forgotten what has happened. You might even still hold someone else accountable for the wrong. With forgiveness, you’re simply making the decision to move on with your life.

It means that, while you might not ever completely forget the pain, you’ll still be able to live your daily life without it. And when you see the person who has wronged you, you won’t immediately think of or bring up the situation.

How to Forgive

There’s no set rule on how you should approach forgiveness. However, you may know deep down when it’s time to forgive. When you realize that you’ve been replaying a situation in your head over and over, it’s time to let it go and forgive.

In order to forgive, you also need to allow a change to take place in your life. Find the compassion within to make peace with the past. You’ll feel the change in your heart as you let the resentment go and make room for positive feelings.

This can be especially difficult if the person you’re dealing with seems resistant to change or doesn’t even care about your forgiveness. In this situation, remember that you’re searching for peace for yourself. It isn’t about making the other person feel better; it’s about making you feel better.

Letting Go

Once you’ve found it in your heart to forgive, it’s time to work on letting go. This step can be so difficult, yet it’s the most important. Letting go simply means that you’re not fighting battles in your mind anymore.

One way to let go is to adopt the attitude of a present moment thinker or forward thinker. You’ll want to spend as much time as you can to truly experience life in the moment.

It’s when the past and negative thinking creep up that problems are likely to occur. When this happens, do whatever is in your power to ease your mind. You’ll find that as time goes by, things do get easier to deal with when it comes to situations involving forgiveness.

Remember that letting go is the best thing you can do for yourself. You certainly don’t enjoy holding onto anger and resentment, so why continue? Ask yourself if those feelings are really serving a purpose for you. Then make the choice to forgive and forget. You’ll be glad you did!

Tags: Relationships

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Is there a relationship so true and pure that there isn’t a conflict from time to time?

Maybe. But it’s doubtful. No matter who is involved in the relationship a clash is sure to occur occasionally.

It could be a difference of opinion with your spouse, a friend, your children, a teacher or even your minister. Life is filled with opinion and not all those opinions are going to agree with yours.

That’s when you need to reach down deep and summon your TLC, or tender loving care. We’ve heard about TLC most of our lives and have expressed a need for it more than once. It might be good to add a U to TLC making it TLCU. The U is understanding.

One of the first steps in improving relationships is understanding the problem. Once you understand the problem or the underlying cause of the disagreement then you’re more likely to be generous with your TLC.

You may remember the movie that expounded the philosophy that love means never having to say you’re sorry. Others have said if you love someone you wouldn’t have hurt them in the first place.

No one is always totally right and no one is always totally wrong. Step back and view the problem through your friend’s eyes and heart. They probably feel as you do that they are right and you are wrong. When you take this perspective you grasp the situation from a different angle and broaden your ideas and ideals.

Remember, it must be about more than being right. Sure, it may be a matter of pride but if you truly respect the other person then just being right is not enough. You must respect your friend’s dignity and self-respect. They expect and deserve your empathy just as you deserve theirs.

Truly empathize with the other person with more than just words. It’s easy to say that you understand how they feel but if it’s only words you’re saying then you’re no closer to improving the relationship than you were. If there is something physically you can do then do it. If the argument is about something tangible bring it into play to show your sincerity.

Listen to what they have to say and communicate. Communicate in a positive and tender way without being accusatory. Even if you’re certain they’re wrong, don’t make them feel responsible. Keep it positive and happy. Let them explain the disagreement from their point of view. Remember, it’s about more than just being right if you value the relationship.

Show your appreciation and express forgiveness. To forgive another is to be forgiven. There is more to life than trivial matters. Learn to compromise. Forgiveness and compromise takes practice.

You may want to blame others, but examine yourself. Blame is often times a shared responsibility. Keep your expectations high. Expect to improve the relationship but be realistic. You may have to give more than you get. Giving TLC becomes easier with TLCU.

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There is a proper time and place for every act of body language. Most of the time, we are oblivious to the messages we send through our body gestures and movements. We could give negative signals that might offend other people without intending to do so. There are gestures that we indeed have to avoid, but it may need discipline and practice because we may have been used to performing this negative acts in our daily lives.

It is important for one to be observant of his body language, and those of other people as well. You can read other people by learning how to understand how they act and move. But you must also be aware there are people who know how to interpret body language, and somebody may already be reading you now. Thus, be cautious of actions by knowing when to use them and what to avoid.

At Work

It is always relevant to be in your best self at work. By doing so, you can impress your boss and please clients. Simply be confident when facing somebody. If you are relaxed, other people would not regard you as overconfident. Show them you know what you are talking about by keeping good posture, eye contact and using suitable hand gestures.

During A Date

How can you give signs that you are indeed attracted to another person without telling them verbally how you really feel? The solution is simple. Talk with your eyes and match it with a bright smile. These two are enough to let somebody know you are indeed enjoying his or her company.

You would know the date is going well when signals of flirtation are present. A woman would tend to touch her hair, lick her lips, eat or drink slowly, and preen. Meanwhile, a man would usually wink, close the distance between them, lean forward, and stand tall. Bottom line is both sexes want to impress their partner by showing the self-confidence or sexiness through actions. And these signs are indeed just the beginning of a higher level in the relationship.

Acts You Must Practice To Avoid

There are many kinds of gestures that you must practice to avoid. At work, try to hide your anxiety or tension by avoiding fidgeting, trembling, or shaking. Avoid excessive hand movements when talking, since this could distract others from focusing on your statements. Avoid also excessive blinking; this shows you are uneasy and nervous. Stop looking at your watch or the clock. This is rude since you are giving an impression that you want to end the interaction right away. Do not stroke you chin, lean on an elbow, and fake a smile.

When on a date, it would be much more polite if you directly say “no” rather than showing signals of rudeness to the person if you are uninterested or getting bored. Do not sigh, look at other people other than your partner, slouch, and prop your head on your hands.

Observe Cultural Differences

The proper use of body language also depends on where you are and who you are interacting with. You may be talking to somebody with a conservative culture and regards some gestures rude and disrespectful, even if they are normally used in your place.

Tags: Attitude, NLP, Personal Growth, Relationships, Self Help and Motivational

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Newborn babies have no self-esteem problems. They have no concept of failure or falling short of expectations. In a very real sense, our interactions with other people are the root causes of low self-esteem. Since you cannot avoid interacting with people, you have to learn how to identify these causes and stop them from affecting you.

Low Self-Esteem from the People You Know

Parents lay the foundation for self-image. Children understand that parents expect certain things of them, and if they fail these expectations, it can decrease their sense of self-worth. It is important for parents to realize the limits to which they can push their offspring to excellence. You cannot change your past, and you cannot blame your parents for wanting you to succeed, but what you can change is the way you look at it. Accept the love, learn to set aside the disappointment, and move on.

Your partner also has certain expectations about your relationship, so it is important that these expectations are verbalized. Constant dialogue is important as there can be no greater blow to self-image that being thought of as falling short of an ideal that you do not even know about. The same principle can be applied to relationships with friends and relatives. Be sure that you can clarify your role and understand what they expect of you.

Work relationships are at once both easier and harder on self-image. On one hand, your job description makes the expectations of the people in the workplace crystal clear. On the other hand, this clarity also makes it easier to point out your faults. What is important in this situation is to realize that a job is an opportunity for growth. If you do not have the needed skills yet, identify them so you can gain them and meet your goals.

Low Self-Esteem from the People You Don’t Know

The opinions of total strangers affect all of us to a certain degree. These opinions may reach your in many different ways. You may overhear comments of people as you walk down the street. You may read comments about you written in blogs or articles. You may identify with certain groups that are discussed in the media, such as on TV or in magazine articles.

Judgments from people who do not know you can sometimes be more devastating than from those close to you. You may feel unfairly judged or belittled. Worse, you may even partially agree to these negative pronouncements. This can push your self-image even lower. What is important is to identify the feeling and examine its cause. If you cannot dispute a negative observation yourself, look for positive affirmation. People who know you can help you set these things into perspective. Many resources both on-line and in print can prove these judgments wrong. You may want to avoid magazines or TV shows that make frequent mistaken pronouncements.

As you can see, our opinion of failing other people’s expectations is the seed from which poor self-image sprouts. These causes of low self-esteem are ubiquitous and unavoidable so you must learn to guard against them if you want to grow. Learning to deal with other people in a positive way is the one sure path to confidence and a good self-image.

Tags: Personal Growth, Relationships, Self Esteem, Self Help and Motivational

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For a brief moment, the world stops when someone close to us dies. It could be a parent, a close friend or a spouse. These are things we don’t want to think about but the fact is, we will all die someday. It is not a matter of how but simply when. Naturally, you are affected but life goes on so you must know how to handle grief.

We hear this often but it is easier said than done and that is to learn to let go of the person. After the person is buried, most of us still cling on to that person and hope that what happened was simply a dream. We will see that person again or they will call us on the phone.

But then reality sets in and letting go begins by packing some of the stuff that both of you once shared. You may even want to give some stuff away. Is this the right thing to do? The answer is yes because life goes on. Chances are, whoever left this world would not want you to sulk and waste your life away.

Handling grief does not mean forgetting about the person. He or she made a mark in your life so remember the good times and cherish it. A great way to do that will be to write this down in a gratitude journal. Try to write at least 5 things every single day and then be thankful for what they contributed. Later, you can look back at it since it helps you deal with the grief.

If you don’t like to write but rather type, you can also write about your experiences in a blog so other people can read it. Your friends and family would surely understand that because it keeps the memory of your loved one alive.

What you write may even touch the hearts of strangers and this might also inspire them to do things that they never thought of before.

Keeping yourself busy is another way to deal with grief. A good way to do that is to work hard in your job or trying something more relaxing like trying out a new sport or hobby. Such activities are known to keep your mind away from what happened even for a short period of time which is more than enough every single day.

For people who can’t handle grief on their own, it is best to join a support group. Those you talk to don’t have to be medical experts. He or she could be a close friend or a leader of an organization. It is much easier to talk with those who have experienced it before rather than talking with someone who is following textbook procedures.

When people you know try to reach out, accept it with open arms because they are the best people to be with during this time of grief.

Do you have a spiritual life? If you don’t now is the time to find it because you can find strength in divine and unseen forces. Some people think this is nonsense while others find solace. Apart from prayer, another way to unit both mind and spirit is to learn yoga or some other form of meditation exercise.

Losing someone makes us vulnerable and if you let this eat you, chances are you will do something stupid. You might try to get into drugs or alcohol as an escape from reality but this does not change anything. The person you cherished so much is dead and nothing you do will ever bring them back.

In a way, you are desecrating their memory and if they were alive today, you can imagine what they would say. The bottom line is, don’t be tempted into doing something you would not normally do.

Handling grief also means letting it out. Cry your heart out, hit something or do whatever you want to release what you feel inside. For guys, don’t be ashamed to cry. It doesn’t make you less of man. It just makes you more human.

The last way to handle grief is to honor your loved one’s memory. You can do so by setting up your own foundation or joining a charitable institution. This just goes to show that even when people reach out, you can do the same for others.

Tags: Personal Growth, Relationships, Self Help and Motivational, Therapy, Wellness

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By Guest Blogger Brian Tracy

One key to becoming a great conversationalist is to pause before replying. A short pause, of three to five seconds, is a very classy thing to do in a conversation. When you pause, you accomplish three goals simultaneously.

The Benefits of Pausing

First, you avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other person is just catching his or her breath before continuing. Second, you show the other person that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity. The third benefit of pausing is that you will actually hear the other person better. His or her words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what he or she is saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself as a brilliant conversationalist.

Ask Questions

Another way to become a great conversationalist is to question for clarification. Never assume that you understand what the person is saying or trying to say. Instead, ask, “How do you mean, exactly?”

This is the most powerful question I’ve ever learned for controlling a conversation. It is almost impossible not to answer. When you ask, “How do you mean?” the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering more extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions and keep the conversation rolling along.

Paraphrase the Speaker’s Words

The third way to become a great conversationalist is to paraphrase the speaker’s words in your own words. After you’ve nodded and smiled, you can then say, “Let me see if I’ve got this right. What you’re saying is . . .”

Demonstrate Attentiveness

By paraphrasing the speaker’s words, you demonstrate in no uncertain terms that you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to understand his or her thoughts or feelings. And the wonderful thing is, when you practice effective listening, other people will begin to find you fascinating. They will want to be around you. They will feel relaxed and happy in your presence.

Listening Builds Trust

The reason why listening is such a powerful tool in developing the art and skill of conversation is because listening builds trust. The more you listen to another person, the more he or she trusts you and believes in you.

Listening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentively to another person, his or her self-esteem will naturally increase.

Listening Develops Discipline

Finally, listening builds self-discipline in the listener. Because your mind can process words at 500-600 words per minute, and we can only talk at about 150 words per minute, it takes a real effort to keep your attention focused on another person’s words. If you do not practice self-discipline in conversation, your mind will wander in a hundred different directions. The more you work at paying close attention to what the other person is saying, the more self-disciplined you will become. In other words, by learning to listen well, you actually develop your own character and your own personality.

Action Exercises

Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.

First, make a habit of pausing before replying in any conversation or discussion. You will be amazed at how powerful this technique really is.

Second, continually ask, “How do you mean?” in response to anything that is not perfectly clear. This gives you even more time to listen well.

Learn how to influence others — Simply by using your words. Plus Bonus DVD!

Tags: Personal Growth, Relationships, Self Confidence, Self Help and Motivational, Success

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Bringing out the best in others is one of the most rewarding things we can do in our relationships. Being even a small part of inspiring or motivating someone else that comes from your heart will not only lift the other person but gives you a natural boost as well. Here as seven ways to help bring out the best in others:

1) Let them know that you love and appreciate them unconditionally. Depending on the relationship, show your unconditional love with your kind words, warm hugs, pats on the back, a gentle caress, a note, card or letter, etc. There are hundreds of ways to express your unconditional love and concern for others.

2) Listen to them, and give their ideas, interests and inspirations value. One of the most harmful things we can do in our relationships is to dismiss or lessen the value of someone else’s passions, interests, or talents. Every person is born with natural interests and abilities that are unique to them. These natural interests and abilities are as much a part of them as is the color of their eyes or the shape of the nose on their face.

They need expression for these vital parts of their being. Listen to them, not just by listening to only their spoken words, although that is an important part of listening, but also pay attention to what they do or how they act out their interests and abilities.

3) Compliment them. Because most people need approval from others, it is important to give them uplifting messages and positive feedback.

4) Give them space. Everyone and everything needs space to grow. Too much interference, even though it may be well-meaning, can smother their need for creativity and self-exploration, and other lessons they need to learn such as resilience, independence, confidence, self-acceptance, and self-empowerment.

5) Never ridicule or make fun of their earnest and heartfelt activities in which they are expressing their uniqueness. Instead, help them to see humor in certain situations, and laugh with them, but never at them.

6) Be on the lookout for information that is in their area of interest such as classes, articles, photos, etc. Clip out the information if it is in a newspaper or magazine; copy and paste if you found it on the internet; or send them a link to the information in an email. Not only can you be helpful in giving them relevant information, these acts will show them your support and encouragement.

7) Everyone becomes discouraged at times, and as a special someone in their life, notice when those times occur, and give them extra words of encouragement at those times.

Tags: Personal Growth, Relationships, Spiritual Growth, Success

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By Guest Blogger Brian Tracy

The one thing you have in common with all other human beings is your desire to be happy about yourself and your life.

Aristotle, perhaps the greatest of all the philosophers, concluded that man is a teleological organism. That is, he or she continually strives to achieve goals of some kind. Aristotle’s great contribution to human thought was his conclusion that behind every interim goal that a person strives for, there is yet another goal, and then another, and another, and another, until the individual arrives at the final goal. And the final goal is always happiness.

For example, you want to get a better job. Why? So that you can earn more money. Why? So that you can buy a better car. Why? So that you can be more attractive to members of the opposite sex. Why? So that you will have more and better dates with more interesting and enjoyable people. Why? So that you will get greater pleasure out of your social activities. Why? So that eventually you will find someone who loves you and whom you love in return. Why? And the final answer is always because you feel that that is what will make you the most happy.

I really believe that your primary aim in life is to achieve your own happiness. If you do not set your own happiness as the organizing principle for your decisions and your behaviors, no one else will do it for you. No one cares about your happiness as much as you do. Anyone who feels that they will be unhappy in order to make someone else happy, is only fooling themselves. You can’t give away something that you don’t have. You can’t make someone else happy unless you are happy yourself. If you really love and care for the people around you, you will become a thoroughly happy individual. That is the best and kindest thing that you can do for others.

True, genuine, deep-down happiness and inner peace is the hallmark of mental health. To the degree to which you can achieve your own peace and happiness, you are a truly healthy, fully-functioning, fully-integrated, self-actualizing human being. If you can accomplish everything else in the world, but you cannot achieve your own happiness, to that degree you are a failure.

And now we come to the central theme of this message. Fully 85% of your happiness will be determined by your relationships with other people. It is how well you get along with others, and how well they get along with you, that will determine your level of happiness and satisfaction in life more than any other single factor.

Relationships are not peripheral to a successful life. They are central. If you accomplish all your material goals but you do not attend carefully to your relationships, you will end up empty, alone and miserable. But if you have wonderful relationships with people who care about you, and whom you care about, then no matter what happens in the outside world, you will still be happy.

You are a social animal. You were born to be with other people. Your entire identity, your self-image, your self-esteem, your self-respect, and everything about you are determined by the reactions of other people to you from earliest childhood. How you think and feel about yourself on an hour to hour, minute to minute basis is largely determined by how other people respond to you as you move through your personal and business life.

One of the smartest and most productive things that you can do is to become a relationship expert. There is no set of skills that will do more to assure you of great success, achievement and satisfaction in life than to be extremely competent at getting along with other people.

Tags: Good Health, Personal Growth, Relationships, Self Help and Motivational, Wellness

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It is often difficulty to maintain control of your impulses when others around us make us mad. It is even more difficult when the prices in the economy increases every year, and the legal and political system is constantly putting more demands on us everyday. Most of us deal with the stressors in life as they come our way, but some of us get out of control.

Management is often the solution for treating anger; however, the person must be willing to admit their actions are causing more problems. When a person acts out violently, verbally abusive, assault and so on it not only causes problem for the person out of control, it also causes problems for others. Often when a person has anger issues he or she will attack others whether physically or mentally.

The angered person will often attack in a way that belittles, humiliates, harms, or threatens another life. This person will need to learn to control his or her anger, since everyone around him or her is in a degree of danger, and sometimes more danger than others. Anger is the inability to restrain the impulses, desires and emotions. When a person is out of contact with his emotions, it often creates a chaotic mind.

When a person is threatened, it is always good to have a degree of anger to protect. However when a person does not have control then it can lead to trouble. Anger, sadness, joy and happy are all parts of out emotions, and when we have those emotions in control we often live a productive life. However, when we seem to a target of attack then it is more difficult for us to manage our life and anger.

For example, some children go to school and each day a bully will antagonize this child pushing him beyond his or her control. The child may hold his feelings in for a period, but eventually he or she is going to loose control, since none of us is willing to continue allowing someone to make our lives miserable. Unfortunately, when this child reaches his or her limits and returns the attack on the child, he then becomes the culprit and is often punished. The bully too many times gets away with his behavior, and once the victim takes action he or she is often punished.

The school personnel will often say why didn’t you tell me what was going on? However, the fact is the child most likely told the personnel and in my experiences, they rarely act. Now we have two children with anger problems and more people in trouble. This is only one of the many reasons why a person cultivates anger to a degree of explosion. Each time we are angry we feel it in our body and mind. Our body will often tense when we feel angry. If you feel this tension then it is time to step back and take control.

Why am I mad? Why do I feel this way? Asking yourself questions can help you find the answers if you search your mind hard enough. Usually after a person has developed a level of anger that is out of control, they will often strike out at persons even if there is no justifiable cause. The person could have moved something that belonged to that person and they will react by saying something like you stupid moron, why in the hell did you move my belongings? I cannot believe how stupid you are. Why do you bother breathing?

This is only a few examples of a verbal attack issued by an angered person. The person may attack physically by kicking, hitting, punching, spitting, or causing other types of harm to the person. It is important to get management in play if you have anger problems. If you cannot control your emotions then one day, someone will control them for you. Anger is good if you have it under control, but when you loose control, someone, someday will pay and that someone in many cases will be you as well as the trail of victims behind you.

Tags: Anger, Inner Peace, Personal Growth, Relationships

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